Gary’s story

We were married in May 2019 — a day filled with joy, surrounded by family and friends. During our celebration, we released pink smoke into the sky to reveal that we were expecting a baby girl. It was one of the happiest moments of our lives. We had planned for this — we had dreamed of starting a family together.

We named her Wynter. We decorated her nursery, built her cot, and carefully folded tiny clothes into drawers, full of anticipation and love.

Instead of bringing our daughter home, we left the hospital empty-handed — forced to plan her funeral. Wynter was born on 15 September 2019.  She died just 23 minutes after delivery. The trauma of that day is something I will carry for the rest of my life. During the emergency caesarean section, I witnessed scenes no father should ever have to see. 

I saw my wife’s open abdomen — it felt more like a battlefield trauma than a delivery theatre, but this wasn’t a war zone. This was a maternity suite in Nottingham. I was dressed in scrubs and watched on for 23 minutes as resuscitation failed. My baby died there, her swaddled body handed to me. I have since been diagnosed with a psychiatric injury — post-traumatic stress disorder.

Wynter’s death was entirely avoidable — the result of systemic failings that had been predicted long before her birth.A coroner concluded neglect contributed to Wynter’s death and stated that our daughter would have survived if appropriate action had been taken sooner.

Fathers like me — who witness the loss of their child due to inadequate maternity care — experience a profound and unique kind of harm. We walk into that hospital as equal partners in the journey to bring new life into the world, having supported the mother through every stage of pregnancy. Yet far too often, we are treated as peripheral, as if our grief, our trauma, our pain doesn’t count.